Techniques for Active Listening: The Art of Truly Tuning In
Podcast Recap: Do You Feel Heard? – Episode 4
Theme: How to be a better listener in everyday conversations, especially when it counts.
Ever feel like you’re not really being heard—or maybe that you’re not really listening?
In this deeply honest and practical episode of Do You Feel Heard?, the team opens up about the challenges and beauty of active listening. Whether it’s chaotic group dinners, heartfelt one-on-ones, or moments of conflict, this conversation explores how to truly tune in, stay present, and create connection through listening.
Hearing vs. Listening: There’s a Difference
One of the most important insights shared in this episode is the distinction between hearing and listening.
- Hearing is a passive process. Your ears work automatically.
- Listening, however, is intentional. It means being present with the purpose of understanding—not just waiting for your turn to talk.
As one speaker put it, “Listening means dedicating mental and emotional space to what someone else is saying.” That space—mental, emotional, and even physical—is where empathy grows.
Active Listening in Action
Here are some standout practices that the hosts use in their own lives and coaching work:
- Reflection
In one-on-one conversations, repeating back what someone said (“What I’m hearing is…”) can be incredibly validating. It signals that you’re not just nodding along—you’re absorbing and processing. - Body Language
Eye contact, posture, and facial expressions often communicate more than words. Are you leaning in or checking your phone? Are you present in your body? These cues matter. - Listening to Understand, Not to Respond
This common trap came up multiple times. If you’re already formulating your reply before someone finishes speaking, you’ve checked out. Practice letting go of your next line and trust that it’ll come back if it matters.
“My responses are worse when I hold onto the good bits I want to say. They’re better when I let go and stay present.”
The Phone Problem—and Other Distractions
One standout moment in the episode was about the subtle impact of having your phone on the table. Even if you’re not using it, its presence can pull your attention—and the attention of others—away from the moment.
Simple practices to improve presence:
- Keep phones off the table during meals or serious talks
- Turn down background noise (music, TV)
- Physically orient your body toward the person speaking
Structures and Rituals That Support Listening
Many hosts shared personal routines and systems that help them be better listeners:
- “Pillow Talk” Ritual: One host and her partner take five minutes before bed to breathe, reflect, and check in with each other using prompts like "Do you have any requests, apologies, or complaints?"
- Tune-In Language: Using phrases like “Are you available?” or “Can you tune in for a sec?” can set the stage for intentional conversations.
These structures allow both people to enter conversations with awareness, consent, and clarity.
Mindfulness and Note-Taking: Helpful or Harmful?
Mindfulness was described as “the foundation of active listening.” When you’re aware of your own mental habits (like interrupting, zoning out, or formulating your response too soon), you can begin to shift them.
Some speakers noted that they take notes during conversations to stay focused. However, the group emphasized the importance of disclosure or consent—especially in emotionally charged settings. Letting someone know why you're writing something down builds trust and maintains connection.
Quick Reminders: Active Listening Dos & Don’ts
DO:
- Ask, “Are you available to talk?”
- Remove distractions
- Use your body language to show attention
- Let go of your response until they’re done
- Reflect what you heard (when appropriate)
- Slow down to give your full attention
- Create shared rituals and language
DON’T:
- Interrupt just to relate or one-up
- Assume your way of engaging is universal
- Leave your phone out during important conversations
- Skip consent when writing, taking notes, or changing topics
- Assume your partner knows what you need—tell them
Final Thought: Connection Over Perfection
You don’t have to listen perfectly. You just have to care enough to try.
Whether you’re checking in with a friend, handling a tough moment with a partner, or sitting at a loud dinner table, you can show up more fully by simply slowing down, getting curious, and making the person across from you feel seen.
Because when we feel heard, we feel loved.