Domain and Consent: The Foundations of Healthy Communication
Podcast Recap: Do You Feel Heard? – Episode 8
Theme: Understanding your emotional "territory," the power of consent, and how to stop crossing lines in communication—even with the best intentions.
We talk a lot about boundaries in modern relationships. But what if there’s a deeper, more foundational concept that guides how we show up, speak up, and connect?
In this episode of Do You Feel Heard?, hosts Dawson and Ian unpack two transformative ideas: domain and consent. Inspired by the work of Dr. Betty Martin and the Wheel of Consent, this conversation reframes how we relate to ourselves—and to others.
It’s not just about saying “yes” or “no.” It’s about knowing what’s yours, respecting what’s theirs, and communicating clearly in the space in between.
What Is "Domain"?
Imagine a circle around you. Inside that circle are the things you:
- Have a right to
- Have a responsibility for
This is your domain. It includes your:
- Thoughts
- Feelings
- Desires
- Beliefs
- Body
- Perception of reality
Nobody can—or should—control what’s inside your domain. And likewise, you don’t get to control anyone else’s.
“You have a right to your feelings—and a responsibility to manage them.” – Ian
Reaching Into Someone’s Domain
Here’s where most miscommunication begins: when we try to control someone else’s domain. This often looks innocent, even loving.
- Convincing your partner to want what you want
- Trying to change someone’s perception or feelings
- Coaching a friend into making “better” decisions—without consent
Even with good intentions, it’s a form of manipulation. And the impact can be damaging.
“I wanted my friend to want more for himself—but I was reaching into his domain.” – Dawson
Domain in Everyday Life: Real Examples
The episode explores everyday situations where this plays out:
- A coworker wants you to share their anger about a work issue—but you don’t feel the same.
- You over-explain your political opinions before asking for someone else’s take—priming them to agree.
- You try to “fix” someone’s health habits instead of asking if they’re open to feedback.
Each one is a moment to pause and ask:
Am I honoring their domain—or trying to control it?
The Role of Consent in Communication
Consent is more than sexual—it applies to all interactions. And the simplest way to honor someone’s domain? Ask.
- “Are you available to talk about this?”
- “Would you like my perspective?”
- “Are you open to hearing how I feel about that?”
With consent, you aren’t intruding—you’re collaborating. And that makes a world of difference.
“If you’ve gotten consent to share, you’re not speaking into their domain—you’re speaking from yours.” – Ian
“You Made Me Feel…”: The Myth of Emotional Control
One of the most thought-provoking parts of the episode tackles a popular phrase:
“You made me feel…”
Ian argues that no one makes us feel anything. As adults, we’re responsible for how we interpret, react to, and emotionally process events.
“You can say hurtful things—but how I perceive them is my choice.” – Ian
Of course, this doesn’t excuse hurtful behavior. Words still carry weight. But your emotional reaction is part of your domain—and your power.
What About Close Relationships?
The conversation also explores the gray areas:
- Is it ever okay to try and change someone’s behavior if you love them?
- How do you share your truth about their habits without crossing a line?
The answer lies in consent and clarity:
- Ask if they’re available to talk.
- Share from your domain: “Here’s how I feel…”
Don’t try to fix—try to connect.
Ideal vs. Reality: Relationships, Conflict & Cheating
A candid segment unpacks infidelity and emotional rupture. The key insight?
Blame rarely helps. Curiosity, compassion, and accountability do.
“Cheating doesn’t mean someone’s bad—it means their needs weren’t being met.” – Ian
We can hold people accountable and understand the dynamics that led there. That doesn’t mean staying—it means staying empowered.
Domain, Consent, and Emotional Freedom
When you understand domain:
- You stop controlling others
- You stop letting others control you
- You start owning your experience—and your power
When you practice consent:
- You create trust
- You prevent resentment
- You make space for deeper connection
This episode is an invitation to check in:
Are you respecting your domain—and theirs? Are you moving through conversations with clarity and consent?
Favorite Quotes from Episode 8
“Consent transforms a hard conversation into an empowering one.”
“Your truth belongs in your domain. Their decision belongs to them.”
“You can’t change someone who hasn’t given you permission to help.”
“Shame and blame are just poor substitutes for clarity.”
“You don’t need to be right—you just need to be honest.”
Final Reflection
This episode reminds us that love isn’t about control—it’s about clarity.
And respect doesn’t mean staying silent—it means speaking with permission.
When we understand the domain, and move with consent, we don’t just avoid conflict—we create real connection.