The Courage to Become: A Conversation with Max Hernandez on Identity, Acceptance & the Trans Experience

In this episode of Do You Feel Heard? Podcast, host Ian Mychal sits down with artist, writer, and massage therapist Max Hernandez to explore one of the most nuanced, misunderstood, and deeply human experiences of our time: the journey of being transgender.

Through honest storytelling, spiritual reflection, and psychological insight, Max shares how his path toward becoming a trans man has shaped his understanding of self, belonging, and the true meaning of identity. What results is an illuminating conversation not only about gender but about courage, compassion, and the universal desire to be seen as we are.

Growing Up Without a Roadmap

Max describes his early life as “chaotic,” growing up as the oldest of six children in a young family that was figuring things out in real time. Without a stable outlet to express what he was feeling, Max turned to journaling, storytelling, and art as ways of making sense of his inner world.

As a teen, he discovered videos on YouTube of transgender individuals documenting their transitions. Something in him lit up.

“I saw someone actively pursuing who they were. It felt like a golden nugget—a future I hadn’t seen for myself before.”

But that moment of clarity disappeared just as quickly. Max, then in a relationship with his first girlfriend, was told she didn’t think she could stay with him if he transitioned. At 15, he chose emotional safety over authenticity.

That decision, he now sees, is common:
When belonging feels fragile, authenticity feels dangerous.

Pregnancy, Disconnection & the Return of Truth

After that relationship ended, Max went through a period of numbness, escapism, and survival. In a tumultuous chapter marked by emotional disconnection from his body, he unexpectedly became pregnant at 19.

He describes the experience as profoundly dysphoric—feeling “wrong” in his body, detached, and emotionally isolated. But after giving birth and moving through postpartum depression, something resurfaced:

“There was that golden nugget again. And this time, it was undeniable.”

The sense of “I want to live as myself” returned with full force. With the help of a therapist and physician, Max began hormone replacement therapy in 2016—an event that reshaped not only his outer world but his inner relationship with selfhood and spirituality.

Transition Is Not a Fix—It’s the Beginning of the Work

A powerful theme throughout the episode is Max’s clarity about the reality of transitioning:

“It’s not a fix-all. It made some things easier, but I still had to do the inner work.”

Transition gave Max access to his body in a new way, but it did not remove suffering. Instead, it revealed a deeper journey—one rooted in:

• emotional healing
• spiritual exploration
• learning to name feelings
• understanding trauma
• and practicing self-compassion

He often describes this inner work as a cycle of destruction and rebirth—phoenix energy. That deeper psychological and spiritual transformation is what ultimately allowed him to inhabit his identity with groundedness and integrity.

Anxiety, Safety & The Invisible Challenges of Being Trans

Max brings needed nuance to the conversation about safety and belonging for transgender people. He talks about the fear of using public restrooms in 2015, when he was early in his transition and still presented more femininely.

“Your nervous system stays in fight-or-flight. Just existing becomes a risk.”

Ian contrasts this with the unconscious privilege many people have—such as men walking alone at night without fear, or cisgender individuals using restrooms without anxiety.

This part of the conversation highlights an essential truth:

Safety is not equal across identities.
And many fears are completely invisible to those who don’t experience them.

Identity Beyond Labels: Love, Attraction & Queerness

As Max grew into himself, so did his understanding of love and attraction. He reflects on his journey from identifying as a lesbian, to bisexual, to simply someone who loves people.

“I see souls, spirits, psyches. Not just bodies.”

He describes the fluidity of queerness not as confusion but as freedom—an expansion beyond rigid definitions toward deeper human connection.

Today, Max is happily married to a non-binary partner. Nonconformity, he says, is their shared joy.

The Real Work: Grace, Curiosity & the Power of Not Taking Things Personally

One of the most impactful threads in the episode revolves around grace—grace for ourselves and for others.

Ian brings insight from the Four Agreements:

“Don’t take things personally.”

When someone misgenders or misunderstands a trans person, the instinct is often to defend. But Max has learned to step back and observe:

• Is this ignorance?
• Is this fear?
• Is this someone projecting their own discomfort?
• Is this a place where I can offer curiosity instead of defensiveness?

He challenges both the trans community and the broader public:

Give each other grace.
Allow mistakes.
Don’t assume malintent.
Get curious before you react.

Because each interaction—good or bad—ripples out into the larger cultural ecosystem.

“Every interaction is a vote for either division or unity.”

Creating Safe Spaces Begins With Lowering the Pressure

Ian and Max acknowledge the heavy pressure surrounding discussions of gender identity. Many people fear “messing up.” Many trans individuals fear being misunderstood. The tension makes honest conversation nearly impossible.

The solution, they suggest, is not perfection—but presence.

• Be here.
• Be open.
• Don’t pretend you know.
• Don’t weaponize mistakes.
• Let the moment be human instead of political.

Safety doesn’t come from always getting it right.
Safety comes from compassion.

Spirituality, Ego Death & the Freedom of Acceptance

Max describes his spiritual journey as intertwined with his transition. To know himself deeply, he says, is to know God, Source, or Spirit deeply.

Every time he thinks he’s reached a final understanding, another layer opens.

Ian echoes this, bringing Buddhist perspective:

“Suffering is rooted in an inability to accept what is.”

When people reject us—or when the world misunderstands us—our suffering comes not from the event itself but from our resistance to it.

Acceptance, they suggest, is one of the greatest spiritual tools for any human being, regardless of identity.

A Final Reflection: Choosing Love in a Divided World

What emerges from this conversation is not a lesson about gender—it’s a lesson about humanity.

Max and Ian invite us to:

• show up with curiosity
• question our assumptions
• soften into compassion
• honor each person’s unique story
• take responsibility for our reaction
• anchor ourselves in grace
• and lead with love

Because if the world feels divided, it’s not because we are too different—
 It’s because we have stopped being curious about our differences.

This episode is a powerful reminder that everyone has depth, everyone has a story, and everyone is more than the labels placed upon them.

And perhaps the most healing question any of us can ask—trans or not—is:

Do you feel heard?