The Stories We Tell Ourselves — Language, Projection, and the Power of Naming What’s True
Podcast Recap: Do You Feel Heard? – Episode 28
Guests/Hosts: Aaron Sawyer, Dawson & Ian
Theme: Story-making, projection, emotional honesty, and how language shapes our relationships
Why do we so often assume the worst about others?
Why does silence feel like rejection?
And why is it so hard to just say what we need?
In Episode 28 of Do You Feel Heard?, Aaron, Dawson, and Ian explore how the stories we tell ourselves can trap us in miscommunication—and how awareness, naming, and vulnerability can bring us back to truth.
The Stories We Make Up
When we don’t have all the information, the mind fills in the blanks. Usually, not with compassion.
- “They didn’t text back—they must be mad at me.”
- “She didn’t say hi—she must be avoiding me.”
- “He looked upset—it must be my fault.”
“The mind doesn’t like uncertainty, so it creates a story. But that story is rarely kind.” – Ian
The group reflects on how these invented stories often hurt us more than the actual reality.
Projection: Seeing Ourselves in Others
One of the main themes is projection—attributing our own fears, wounds, or judgments to others.
- If we fear rejection, we assume others are rejecting us.
- If we feel inadequate, we assume others are judging us.
- If we’re angry, we project that anger outward.
“Most of the time, what we think is about them… is really about us.” – Dawson
Recognizing projection doesn’t erase the feeling—but it helps us pause before reacting.
The Courage to Name It
So what’s the antidote? Naming.
Aaron highlights the power of simply saying out loud what’s happening inside—without blame, without assumption.
Instead of: “You don’t care about me.”
Try: “When you didn’t respond, the story I told myself is that I don’t matter.”
That shift invites dialogue instead of defensiveness.
The Role of Language in Healing
The episode explores how precise, honest language can transform conflict:
- Replacing “you always” with “I feel.”
- Naming the story as a story, not a fact.
- Using reflection instead of accusation.
“Language is the bridge between your inner world and someone else’s understanding. Use it with care.” – Aaron
From Avoidance to Vulnerability
The group acknowledges how hard it is to break out of avoidance patterns. Many of us learned to shut down rather than speak up. But avoidance creates distance—while vulnerability creates connection.
“It’s scary to tell the truth. But the cost of not telling them is usually higher.” – Ian
Growth as Awareness
A recurring theme: awareness itself is growth.
You don’t need to fix every story or never project again. Simply noticing—“oh, that’s a story I’m making up”—is a profound shift.
Favorite Quotes from Episode 28
“Most conflict isn’t about what happened—it’s about the story we made up about what happened.”
“Projection is the mirror you didn’t ask for—but it’s the one that helps you grow.”
“Naming the story breaks its spell.”
“Avoidance protects you short-term but costs you long-term.”
“Awareness is change in motion.”
Final Reflection
Your mind will always create stories.
That’s what minds do.
The work is not to stop it—
but to notice it, name it, and share it with compassion.
Because when you name it, you break the cycle.
And when you share it honestly, you make space to be heard.