Wanting, Fear, and the Power of Being Seen — Reclaiming Your Path in a Loud World
Podcast Recap: Do You Feel Heard? – Episode 23
Theme: The art of knowing what you want, facing fear, performing without shame, and cultivating real community
What do you want?
It sounds like a simple question, but when Ian and Derrick unpack it in Episode 23 of Do You Feel Heard?, it quickly reveals itself as one of the most profound—and difficult—questions we can ask ourselves.
In this heartfelt, vulnerable, and often humorous episode, the duo goes deep into what it means to want something in a culture that tells us to either earn it, justify it, or suppress it. Along the way, they explore performance shame, social media comparison, service, community, and how we can all become better at showing up—for ourselves and each other.
Step One: Figure Out What You Want
Derrick kicks off the episode with a quote from Buddhist teacher Ethan Nichtern:
“One of the biggest challenges is not knowing what you want.”
Ian offers up a favorite practice: The Wanting Game—a simple yet transformative exercise where one person names desires for five minutes, and the other responds to each with: “It’s good to want that.”
Why does it matter? Because naming your desires without shame is the first step to clarity. And many of us never get that far.
Step Two: Work Through the Fear
Wanting is one thing. Acting on it is another.
The two explore how fear stops us:
- Fear of being wrong
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of not being good enough
- Fear of starting something you might fail at
Derrick shares his approach:
“Accept the fear, and do the thing anyway. That’s how you build the muscle. Gradually, step by step.”
Wanting to Paint vs. Wanting to Be a Painter
The conversation hits on an essential distinction:
- Do you want to do the thing?
- Or do you want to be the person who does the thing?
This nuance surfaces everywhere: in writing, creating, healing, helping. It’s the difference between chasing identity and honoring action.
“If you want to be a painter, then paint. Even if it’s for two hours a week. That’s the path.”
Fame, Influence & the Trap of Being Seen
Why do so many people want to be influencers?
Because they want to be seen. And because—without strong local communities—social media has become the main place we feel visibility.
But Derrick and Ian caution that this often leads to:
- Inauthentic expression
- Constant comparison
- A warped idea of success
“A lot of people who want to be influencers are the same ones who are most influenceable.” – Derrick
Performance Shame & Community Safety
Both hosts talk about their relationships to flow arts—a movement-based creative practice—and why they hesitate to share videos publicly.
- Ian compares his skills to top-tier performers and feels embarrassment.
- Derrick shares how posting imperfect flow videos on YouTube was his way of saying: “It’s okay to be seen in the process.”
The difference? The size of the pond.
It’s easier to be vulnerable in small, safe spaces than on a global platform.
“You can’t leap from hiding to global visibility. You need gradually expanding pools.” – Derrick
The Sourdough Story: Doing Things Fully
In a hilarious and endearing tangent, Ian shares how he drove 13 hours to attend a two-day sourdough bread-making class—because when he wants to learn something, he goes all in.
“I have questions. I need to ask someone those questions in real time.” – Ian
It’s not about perfection. It’s about engagement. And it mirrors how people often need a real-world community—not just videos or PDFs—to learn, grow, and feel connected.
The Turtle Test: What You Must Do
Ian tells a touching story about stopping to save turtles from traffic—over 50 a year. Why?
“Because it’s not wanted. It’s just what needs to be done.”
Service, for him, isn’t always a desire. It’s a felt obligation. A natural response to a moment that requires presence and care.
Favorite Quotes from Episode 23
“Your survival strategies are not your identity. They’re just costumes you’ve worn for too long.”
“Fear is still pushing you around. You just don’t know it.”
“Be the change. Not the protest. Be the change.”
“Always doing your best is the antidote to toxic comparison.”
“We’re shooting ourselves in the community.”
Final Reflection
What do you want?
Say it out loud.
Let it be clumsy.
Let it be contradictory.
Let it be yours.
Then ask:
Where’s the smallest pond I can share this in?
Who can receive me as I am, not as I perform?
And how can I be that person for someone else?