What Does Home Really Mean? A Heartfelt Conversation with Nicole

Podcast Recap: Do You Feel Heard? – Episode 9
Theme: Redefining “home” through the lens of safety, self-love, and emotional support.

What makes a place—or a person—feel like home?

In this warm and winding episode of Do You Feel Heard?, Derrick and Nicole explore what “home” really means beyond four walls. Inspired by a powerful dance performance titled Home, they dive into how home is more than a place—it’s a feeling. It’s safe. It’s where we are allowed to just be.

Whether you’re navigating relationships, loneliness, growth, or healing, this episode reminds us that home isn’t something you find—it’s something you cultivate.

Home Is Where the Safety Is

Forget the old phrase “home is where the heart is.” Nicole offers a powerful reframe:

“Home is where the safety is.”

Because not every heart feels safe. Not every house is loving. And sometimes, home doesn’t come from family or history—it comes from choice, connection, and consistency.

From chosen family to safe friendships to daily routines that ground us, home is wherever we feel supported enough to be our whole selves.

A Dance That Moved the Soul

Nicole shares a moving birthday experience: attending a contemporary dance performance titled Home in Amsterdam. With no dialogue and only movement, the piece captured the emotional weight of losing—and rebuilding—a sense of home.

Furniture was dragged, rearranged, climbed on, and scattered. Dancers moved in and out of sync, embodying grief, change, solitude, and reconnection.

“Everyone was fighting their own demons, but they gave each other the space to do it.” – Nicole

The performance underscored a powerful truth: home is not fixed. It changes. It stretches. Sometimes it’s lost—and sometimes, beautifully rebuilt.

Snails, Sit Spots, and Self-Home

Nicole describes herself as a “snail”—a person who carries home wherever she goes. From the way she builds community in her Amsterdam neighborhood to her grounding practices like yin yoga, pottery, and her sit spot in a local park, she offers a model for cultivating an internal sense of home.

“A sit spot is just a special place where you return regularly, especially in nature. Over time, you begin to feel at home there—not because it’s yours, but because you’ve made space to belong.” – Nicole

Being vs. Fixing: The Power of Support

One key message from this episode is the difference between helping and supporting:

Helping can imply someone is broken.
Supporting means holding space without needing to change or fix.

“Support is a deep hug. A handhold. An ear.” – Nicole

In relationships, that kind of support can look like:

Letting someone cry without offering solutions.
Asking, “Can I just sit with you?”
Affirming, “You’re not a burden. You’re allowed to feel this.”

This is what home feels like in a human form.

Culture of Appreciation: A Home Within Partnership

The episode also touches on romantic partnership and how a culture of appreciation creates emotional home.

Nicole and Derrick discuss how:

Small annoyances (like how a bed is made) can be reframed as acts of love.
Gratitude softens judgment.
Appreciation fosters safety—and safety allows for growth.

“You can focus on what isn’t perfect, or you can celebrate what is. That’s how you make a home feel beautiful.” – Nicole

Favorite Quotes from Episode 9

“You don’t need to be anything for me. I’d rather be with you in your mess than not with you at all.”

“Not talking about sadness is what leads us into madness.”

“Fixing implies brokenness. Support simply says: "I'm here.”

“If you’re feeling unsafe in dating, ask: what do I want to feel instead?”

“I’m not trying to make the hard feeling go away—I’m just bringing joy in beside it.”

Practical Takeaways

Create your own “sit spot”: Find a quiet place you visit regularly. Observe the seasons. Let it hold you.
Turn toward pleasure: Dance, bake, walk, laugh, breathe. Let your body remember joy—even while pain exists.
Sing love songs to yourself: Seriously. Try it. Even if you feel silly. (Nicole does it while biking!)

Start liming: Inspired by South African culture, liming is spending unstructured time with people you love. No agenda. Just being together. Try it.

Final Reflection

Home is not a place. It’s not a thing. It’s a feeling.

It’s the feeling of being accepted. Of not needing to perform. Of knowing you’re allowed to cry, laugh, be messy, and be loved.

It’s what we find in friendships, in nature, in ourselves.

And the beautiful thing?
Once you know what home feels like, you can start creating it everywhere you go.